Some would say I have "mommy issues," because I couldn't go away to college and didn't move out until I was 23 (and then refused to move to a different zip code). To that I say,
"Fair enough."
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| High school (or maybe college) graduation |
But my overgrown separation-anxiety stems from how freaking awesome my mom is. She is literally that cool. And so, this blog post is dedicated to sharing with the entire world just how amazing my mother truly is.
Let me start by telling you a little about this phenomenal woman:
- Born in Norfolk, Virginia; September 27, 1952
- Adopted by Lucille and Jacob at 9 nine days old
- Full-name: Marcia "Regina" Craig
- Graduated from Old Dominion University
- Taught elementary school for 15 years
- Met my dad while she was teaching an exercise class (he was looking for girls)
- Children: Jessica (27), Katie (23), William (22), and Michael (21)
- Stayed home with kids for 22 years
- Now
works atruns the show at Target - Refuses to research biological heritage
- Favorite colors: orange and purple (even before we became Clemson fans)
- Cooler than James Dean's leather jacket
Now, when a lot people think of the "cool mom" they think of the "bikini-wearing, let-boys-spend-the-night, make-jello-shots-for-the-teens, flirts-with-her-son's-friends" kind of mom. Sorry to disappoint, but this is NOT my mother. (I think that's actually Stacy's Mom, but you'll have to check with Fountains of Wayne.)
My mom is cool in a much classier way. She is always there for us, makes endless sacrifices, and loves us no matter what. And trust me, we've tested it.
The only way I could think to describe how and why Regina McFarland is the gnarliest mom on the planet is by doing a Letterman-style Countdown. So, here it is...
The Top Ten Reasons I Have the Best Mom Ever.
# 10. Being the ever-so-crafty woman that she is, my mom hand-made all of our costumes when we were little. Halloween, plays, recitals, just for fun. And she even went through a period of blasting out some pretty gangster Puff Paint sweatshirts.
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| Check out that applique clown! |
# 9. She never missed a game, recital, show, party, or event of any kind. I'm really not sure how she did it, considering she was simultaneously running a not-for-profit taxi service for four children.
# 8. This lady refused to spend money on herself until we had everything we needed, and most of what we wanted. In fact, my dad used to get mad because he would give her money to buy herself a new outfit and she'd turn around and get something else for one of the kids.
# 7. She is aging at an amazingly slow rate; physically and mentally. She's going to be 60 years old this year. But you would never know it! (And not because she's a plastic-surgery addicted cougar, because let's get real, they're not fooling anyone.) She stays pretty hip with the latest fashions, but in a completely age-appropriate way. She takes care of her hair and skin. She has worn red-orange lipstick since before I can remember, but that is the only make-up she owns. She knows what's going on with most celebrities, keeps up with a lot of popular music, and isn't completely horrified by the sometimes offensive humor of her children. Rock on.
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| Ignore my overly-excited expression, and look at Mom's cute outfit!! |
# 6. My mom has somehow managed to handle the fears, anxieties, attitudes, outbursts, and personality extremes of four separate children. Plus my dad. And she never even tried to kill anyone. Talk about grace.
# 5. Did I mention that she raised FOUR freaking kids??
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| Michael's high school graduation... we grew up! |
# 4. As a teacher, I really appreciate this one... she never said "ain't." Not once. I don't think some people realize that their language transfers to their children; and thus we are surrounded by generations of foul-mouthed, uneducated-sounding hoopies (as my dad would say). I am so grateful that "ain't" is not in my vocabulary.
# 3. Just like Eric Clapton, Mama Dukes has a got a Rock 'N' Roll heart <3 Thanks to her, my iTunes library is full of such sweetness as The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Joe Cocker, CCR, The Eagles, Van Morrison, Willie Nelson, Patsy Cline, Elton John, Rod Stewart, Jackson Browne, Marvin Gaye, and many others. I also need to send a shout-out to my dad for introducing me to the likes of Johnny Cash, Bob Seger, Lynard Skynyrd, AC/DC, The Doobie Brothers, Elvis Presley, and Jimmy Buffet. Thanks, Melon-head.
# 2. For almost 22 years, mi madre was a stay-at-home mom. This job title, however, does not express what she really did. My mom gave up an established career, along with most of her social life, to be with her children. She committed her entire existence to caring for and raising her family. Yes, she was a mom who "stayed at home," but she was/is so much more. "Stay-at-home mom" may be the job title, but the job description is a 15-page essay on the greatness of the maternal human that can be summarized in one word: GODDESS.
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| http://weknowmemes.com/2012/02/stay-at-home-mom-what-i-actually-do/ |
**Note: I think that working mothers are just a god-like as those who stay home. To manage a family and a career is outstanding!
And the NUMBER ONE reason I have the BEST MOM EVER...
DESPITE the infant-like meltdowns, secret tattoos, trucks stuck in mud, cars flipped on the interstate, carpets ruined with spaghetti, dozens of ER visits, phone calls in the middle of the night, inconsolable sob-fests, demolished cell phones, holes in doors, f-bombs, outrageous demands, over-priced outfits, combs tangled in hair, broken bones, psychotic breaks, underwhelming report cards, overwhelming anxiety attacks, and all-around chaos that we have all subjected her to over the last 27 years...
Mom loves us each the best!
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| Circa 1991 |
So, as you can see, I really do have the best mom. I expect that you are currently in a raging fit of jealousy, and for that I am sorry. Try not to stress, though. I'm sure your mom is a really neat lady.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, Mama Dukes!! I love you more than cookies and sweet tea!!
Happy Mother's Day to all the other mom's out there! Especially my grandma and grammy, neither of whom will ever see this and wouldn't get it even if they did.
